New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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