guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
