I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
