Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
