so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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