I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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