I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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