Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I had to cum in my sink.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
