I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
