I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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