I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
