i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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