someone owes me an orgasm
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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