I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
