yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize