You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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