Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You were trust falling into bushes
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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