i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
