Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
