Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
