1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
