Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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