You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
