if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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