new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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