I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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