My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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