So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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