The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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