I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
