I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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