miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
