They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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