It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just gift wrapped bread.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
