that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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