I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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