you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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