Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Randomize
