I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
