I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
