I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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