I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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