p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
