Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
