dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dignity is for republicans.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
