i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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