Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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