Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
