I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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