first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish i was in the wii world.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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