u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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