Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
