Life is so much better after having sex.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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