First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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