Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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