I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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