I think I died a long time ago.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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