Porn is love you can see.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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