what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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