just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
