Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
