There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
