I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
