I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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