I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
