i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize