I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
