your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What a fucking waste of an outfit
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
