He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
