No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
