My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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