you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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