This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
