was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
