ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need to align my fucking chakras
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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