guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i need an iv and a liver transplant
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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