I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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