Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
