So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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