This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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