I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
