Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
