ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
