Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
