Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
