now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
