I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
