fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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