it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
