I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
