So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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