I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
