every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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