we have pet lesbian snakes
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize