She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
