mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
